Do you ever wonder what to give to someone who has everything and provides so many wonderful things to your life? I do. Man’s day in Russia just passed and with my Partner’s birthday approaching soon I feel a pressing desire to buy something. I am certainly the product of good indoctrination from advertising. When I was young, I used to think that material gifts were a good gage of how important I was to a particular person and how well they knew me.

After many years of hard work and making a lot of money, I bought for myself every thing I wanted. I was sure that if I had the perfect home, with the perfect interior, the perfect car, the perfect pet and I had the wardrobe to look perfect all of the time, that I would feel the same inside. When that day came that I was surrounded with perfection, I knew that this life was not the perfect life for me, I was not happy.

What I longed for could not be wrapped in a box or explored in two years per year. I had an awakening to what my true desires were and I could no longer live this lie. I left my perfect life to explore the unknown, it has been very hard at times but I am way happier now then I have ever been because I chose to take a chance.

All my philosophizing today was brought on by something that unpredictably happened to my surprise. Today Alexey went to explore the possibility of a career move and I slept in to catch up on missing rest. When I woke up I did breath holds and rewarded my effort with some nice English tea.

For the duration of my stay in Russia, one month, we are staying north of Moscow in a home with a good friend of Alexey and his family. They have an adorable small child, Ivan, who has the cutest chubby cheeks and a laugh that makes my heart smile. There is always food on the stove and since we came I think I have prepared food for myself maybe 4 times. This to me is such an honor since my favorite food is food someone else prepared for me. ☺

Maybe the caffeine motivated me today but I decided to clean the entire kitchen. I always try and clean up after myself, plus do a little more when I am a guest in someone’s home. There is nothing missing in this home it is full of love, fun, great food and any material item my heart could desire. I thought a nice way to give back would be to be of service without desire of reward, whether or not they know who cleaned up the kitchen it does not matter, but I knew that a clean kitchen was something they all could enjoy.

A little story from the past: When I was initially dating Alexey I noticed that he, his Mom and most of their close friends all wear this specific kind of necklace a Q link. What is a Q link?

“At the heart of all Q-Link® and Equilibrio™ products is Sympathetic Resonance Technology™ (SRT™), which is based on the fundamental scientific discovery that every physical system has fields of energy that permeate and surround that system. Though every wearer's response to Q-Link products is unique, the most commonly reported benefits include heightened energy, more rapid return to centered emotional balance, enhanced physiological (physical, athletic, mental, spiritual) performance and output, increased well-being and quality of life, deeper more restful sleep and greater stamina and vitality.” More information can be found at www.qlinkproducts.com

Natalia had asked me if I liked the pendents and wanted one like hers, silver. There are many different Q link necklaces, most are very sporty looking, but the silver is most more classy. I liked the way it looked however I can not wear silver for prolonged periods of time, otherwise my skin gets red, irritated and itchy. A few weeks ago Alexey gave me a gold Q link. It looks gorgeous. I have been wearing it on the black silk rope that it came with, but I wanted to buy a gold chain to match. Alexey was afraid that the chain may break and that I could lose it, but everyone else except Anna Petrovna agreed that I should have a chain.

Anna Petrovna had lost her Q link that was on a chain, because the chain broke without her knowing. Anna Petrovna is little Ivan’s Grandma who lives in the house I am staying in and is the primary reason why there is always something wonderful to eat. She spoke no English before I came, but she is learning, and even though we talk to each other in languages we neither of us can understand, most of the time we get what the other is trying to say and have a good laugh in the mean time.

So today while I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen Anna Petrovna came into the kitchen and stood beside me holding a beautiful gold chain open between her hands. I took off my Q link from the silk rope and together we put it on the chain. I will remember this gesture that came from the heart and my journey to Russia every time I look at my neck, since a Q link is meant to be worn 24/7.

During my time of accumulation I bought for myself many different pieces of jewelry, rebelling against the old idea that jewelry should be received as a gift from someone else. This necklace is my favorite and it means so much to me.

My Q link already has a scratch, I am not sure from where, maybe when I was doing push ups, it fell against the wooden floorboards, but I cannot know for sure. I was disappointed that I scratched it so soon after getting it, especially since my Q link is unpolished gold. I am sure that I could get it polished and the small scratch would come out but that would change the look of it completely. For now the scratch is a reminder of precious gifts in general, that sometimes I only get one chance to preserve something and if I am careless it may change forever.

Yes this does apply to the precious medal that I am now where around my neck, but more importantly it applies to the relationships in my life. My journey in life has taught how precious good relationships with friends, family and my partner really are. In all those relationships there are scratches along the way, but when I make it my responsibility to do my best to care for the relationship, be kind, compassionate, tolerant and honest, I get to cherish the people for how precious they are to me. My gratitude for the people in my life only increases the joy of my experience.

Crossing the Trinity Bridge to pass through the giant red walls guarding Kremlin

Another day that started early and ended late. The weather in Moscow is warming up, nice for walking around exploring the city, not so great for snowboarding, but since we are currently without a car I prefer the warmer weather. Maybe I can ever start to wear the wool coat I bought here as a winter coat, but quickly realized that my coat was for southern California winters, not Russian. Russian winters require many layers of clothing to stay warm and since I bought my coat originally to wear with evening gowns, many layers just don’t fit comfortably.

Today we journeyed into Kremlin to explore the breath taking cathedrals that date back to 1474. Unfortunately no pictures were aloud to be taken inside of the cathedrals, but I did get so good shots beside The Tsar Bell, 6.6 M in diameter, weighing 200 tones and The Tsar Cannon, 5.34 M long, 40 tons, both are made of bronze! Kremlin is an amazing sight to see, even from the outside with red brick perimeter standing 5 – 19 M tall, some of the current walls have been standing since 1485.

Okay to be honest there are too many wonderful things to see. I actually often feel this way when I visit any museum. Moving through trying to take as much in as possible that I get tired processing the experience. So far every museum that I have explored in Moscow I would much prefer to spend 3 days going through it slowly to have a chance to read each description and the time to stare at each piece taking in every detail.

Inside most of the Cathedrals are mini museums, but after a visit to the armory it is easy to take a quick glance at these items and move on. My favorite was the Assumption Cathedral. “(1475-79) Was the country’s central place of worship, where the Russian Tsars and Emperors were crowned.” Inside the walls and ceilings are covered with paintings of saints in rich colors.

The views are great everywhere, the out perimeter of the Kremlin Wall is 2235 M. The Southern part faces the Moskva River, the eastern part the red square, and the western side is part of the Alexander Garden.

Afterwards we went to the cinema to relax and eat some junk food before heading to the pool. We watched Shutter Island; well I didn’t because a psychological thriller in a foreign language without subtitles sucks. I will see the film at some point but in English. I put in earplugs and slept, a first for me in a theater.

At the pool I had a chance to do a no fins pyramid before it was time to teach. Why are long dynamics so terrible? How did I ever endure such contractions? Really WTF was my motivation? I am sure I am just a little out of practice and I do feel much stronger then when I first got here, but training depth then coming back to the pool is so uncomfortable.

I can only speak specifically about the sessions at the pool where I am training since I haven't attended any others. The following are my observations as a special guest.

Currently Natalia and Alexey are teaching a pool course, there are 20 students enrolled. The students get a classroom and pool session. During the classroom session I think Natalia teaches about technique and freediving in general, although specifically I am not sure because I understand very little of what is said. Then the students go thru a stretching warm up with Alexey. After they are split into small groups and go into the pool for swimming and working on freediving techniques while supervised by instructors.

I have been helping the last couple days of the course for the students that understand English. My students are at different fitness levels and are beginners to freediving. Like many people who are learning something for the first time there are trying to master a lot and seem a little overwhelmed with all of the new information. They all seem to be having fun and are driven to keep trying. My favorite thing about teaching is watching the smile on someones face when they start to figure it out something that was hard and can let go and enjoy.

Okay back to the regular sessions. I believe most people who attend have at one time or another taken this pool course offered by Natalia and Alexey. People do not get into the water until Natalia is present since she is the instructor and rented the pool time. They could also get in if Alexey is present, but prefer to wait for Natalia "since when Alexey is here he is usually underwater training himself."

Natalia is either in the water or on the surface giving suggestions on ways to improve, safetying someone or arranging safety by someone else if she can not do it. Natalia created many different programs for people to train mostly on there own, they include surface and underwater swimming with and without breath. It would take quite a long time (maybe years) to go from the first program to the last. To date no one has had a BO while working Natalia's solo training programs.

We have use of a lane that is about 5M wide so we swim in a counterclockwise motion in order to avoid crashing into another diver. Although ultimately it will eventually happen, which is a good measure of how relaxed you are if you get kicked, or run into a scuba diver while trying to do an underwater length.

I am working on the last program. It takes me almost 2 hours to get thru all of the exercises in their entirety. The program includes many different elements of freediving like static, interval dynamics and surface swimming. Each series has a numbered rating beside it, this number represents how difficult it should feel, if it is harder then you should be working on a lower level. I have spoken of my discomfort and general anxiety towards them, for me it is mostly mental because I have not trained in such a way before.

My observation of Natalia students are they seem very relaxed in the water and well organized. Her program helps people to grow slowly over time, building a large base. Being the worlds top freediving female, it is wonderful to see the community that has developed because of her hard work and dedication to the sport.

While cruising thru the center of Moscow we happened on a giant honey show. This was such an unexpected delight. Before walking in I was feeling tired, but this soon changed as I began to taste test my way into all of the different regions of Russia.

My favorite honey is the kind that has royal jelly, but any pale honey I like a lot. Lunch today was honey!!! Anyway a much needed boost before a tour of one magnificent museum.

The Armory at Kremlin was an unexpected surprise. Because of the title I was expecting to be looking at armor and dungeons, maybe even torture machines used by rulers such as Ivan the Terrible. Sorry everyone no cameras where allowed.

The tour began with Russian jewelry from the 15th century, gold and jeweled book covers and dining sets, then to the armor, past multiple rooms of Russian gifts given to the Czar by foreign diplomats, famous Russian jeweled eggs, thrones, crowns, gowns, cloaks and finally carriages. What a magnificent collection!!! The amount of diamonds, gold, silver and precious stones in the museum were unreal.

I really enjoyed seeing Catherine the Great's dresses, but my favorite collection was the carriages. I have not ever seen one in real life before. I am certain that Cinderella's carriage was modeled after one of these. There is even an audio tour included with the price of admission that gives some very interesting information and makes me want to learn more of Russia's history. Like why did Ivan the terrible have so many wives?

Tonight I had a nice dinner at a friends home in Rubluvka, the Bel Air of Moscow. Anyway they had two very adorable and very big dogs. The larger one is 64 kg. If I was cold I would want her around.

Canada is playing in the gold medal match for ice hockey now, and like a good Canadian I must go and glue myself to the TV.

More tomorrow on my day off...

Moscow is a large city and here I am pictured above standing in the center. Many people everyday walk over this spot with a handful of coins, then throw them into the air while making a wish. What did I wish for? Well I can not say exactly but I will say this: That I stopped wishing for myself long time ago. I find it much more effective to wish for good things to come to other people. Not that I don't want wonderful things in my life today, because I do, but I am happier when I think of others more than myself.

I am entertained when I look back at my life and what was important to me a different times. Many years ago I awoke to the fact that resenting another person was actually more harmful to me than anyone else. I could understand this, but what to do about someone that I dislike for whatever reason, how do I let that go? It was suggested that I pray for my "enemies", that I wish for them everything that I would want for myself. Do this everyday for 2 weeks and after two weeks the angry towards them will be gone or at least diminished.

I remember the first person I prayed for, lets call her Sparkle. My prayer went something like this. God, please remove my resentments against Sparkle, please help me to forgive her for all of the pain that she has caused me both real and imagined. I wish for her all of the things in life that I would wish for myself. I hope that she has a nice car, a beautiful home, a job she enjoys, good skin, a nice body, lots of friends and vacation time. I release her with love.

How small my world was then, the funny thing is I ended up getting all that I wish for, but over the years my wishes changed to wanting to feel comfortable in my own skin, to practice compassion daily, to have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship with my family, to have stillness in my daily life, to have the time to exercise and take care of my body, to feel happiness, joy, serenity and peace everyday.

In my early twenties I was driven by money and wanting to be surrounded by really nice stuff. I worked very hard so that I could have the freedom to buy what I wanted when I wanted. It felt really nice to come home to my zen space. Today I am lucky that I get to spend most of my time traveling around the world. I get to take 23kg of stuff with me, which isn't a lot. Most of my personal belongings are in boxes. I think of all the money I put into creating Zen outside of myself, when ultimately what I really wanted was to feel peaceful inside.

I feel at peace today, most of the time, and I wish I had not bought so much stuff. But that was my journey and it got me to where I am today, free and happy, with many valuable lessons learned. I not saying that I am perfect or done growing, because I am not, but today I am feeling very evocative about change and the joy of it's continuous presence.